Sunday, June 21, 2009

Then and now

I haven't posted many new pics of the boy lately. Last week he turned 20 mos!! Yes - he's out of the teens and quickly approaching 2 years old. Here are some pics. June 08 June 09 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? To celebrate his 20mos birthday we visited the fire station (the 1st of many visits I'm sure)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Caught off guard

Something unexpected happened at church yesterday. Pastor Jeramie has been preaching about Abraham and his faith, like no other. And in this particular sermon, Jeramie was focusing on Abraham and Sarah's yearning for a child and their experience with infertility. And I sobbed through the entire sermon!!! In the 4.5 long years we waited for our precious boy, I did a lot of crying in those pews. Certain sermons, baby dedications, hymns - didn't take much to push me over the edge. Then I got to hold Thomas in my arms and now watch him grow, and I get to praise and thank God e-v-e-r-y day for him, so I figured I was done crying.....about that. Guess not. Paulo was trying to figure out what was wrong and I just couldn't talk. Once I finally pulled it together, after the service, I was able to tell him. I wasn't sad, I wasn't looking back, I wasn't feeling guilty for not being as faithful as Abraham through it all (which I was feeling guilty, but that's not why I was crying). I was crying tears of unabandoned, unabashed, unimagined joy for the greatest miracle in my life - our son. And the tears were flowing more in part due to the fact that My God, THE God of the universe, our sweet heavenly Father, would love me and consider me worthy to grant me such an incredible miracle. I will never understand that part. And I'm glad I don't have to - I just get to look at my boy and go on thanking and praising.

Friday, June 12, 2009

On the mend

I had surgery on Tuesday. It was minor - the docs removed some tissue from my breast that they say had "atypical" cells. My doc told it was less than 10% chances it would be cancer, so I'm not getting too worked up while we await the test results. The hardest part of this all is that I cannot pick up the boy for 10 days - ugh. Not that he needs me - he has his Nana and Pepe (my folks) so he is more than content....and spoiled. But it makes me sad. I've had a great peace and calm throughout this process. I've been going through this since March 17th - the date of my 2nd mammogram. I then had a consult, a biopsy, and now this, and yet still, I'm okay. I've prayed to God not for healing or clean test results, but for peace and strength. And He has granted them abundantly.

Friday, June 5, 2009

I am blessed

I love my life, and I'm not going to apologize anymore. Because its nothing I have accomplished, but what God has accomplished in me. You see, Paulo and I wanted a baby for 4.5 years. I was working, but I wanted to be at home, chasing a toddler, cleaning the house, baking cookies. And then I got pregnant, and I was sooooo excited!! It was really going to happen. But while on bedrest, my mind started running, and I started to get worried. I've waited so long for this - what if I don't like it? What if I get a baby that I can't love? Yes - I really thought that. That whole "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it" started running rampant in my brain. Instead of praying and trusting God, I started making up scenarios. Flash forward 20 months.....I LOVE MY LIFE!! I love being a mom. I feel like I am finally fulfilling God's purpose for my life. And being a mom to a boy has made me a better wife and a homemaker. I was terrified to have a baby girl, cause I didn't want to put all my "baggage" on her. But I realize having a boy is just as challenging because I need to be a good role model for him. So now I embrace making my husband's coffee and meals and getting his laundry done and folded (still working on that whole putting it away part - baby steps). I'm tired of feeling guilty about it and feeling bad that I can state with confidence "I'm a housewife". And I'm tired of the question "Don't you get bored?" If anyone thinks being at home would be boring, then they obviously have a maid, a chef, a personal shopper, and they don't have one single hobby or interest in the world. There is ALWAYS something to do - if its not the house chores, or playing with my boy, then its my own stuff to do - like blogging, or reading a book, or uploading and ordering pics, or just enjoying a cup of tea on a beautiful early summer evening out on my porch. And that whole "careful what you wish for"? Well, I'm not exactly baking cookies, but I make a mean casserole. And I still have a ways to go on being a better housekeeper - like I'm supposed to be cleaning right now and instead I'm blogging. But I have mastered the laundry routine finally. And am I chasing a very, VERY active toddler? You betcha....but the best part? I get a big hug and kiss when I catch him!!