Monday, June 15, 2009

Caught off guard

Something unexpected happened at church yesterday. Pastor Jeramie has been preaching about Abraham and his faith, like no other. And in this particular sermon, Jeramie was focusing on Abraham and Sarah's yearning for a child and their experience with infertility. And I sobbed through the entire sermon!!! In the 4.5 long years we waited for our precious boy, I did a lot of crying in those pews. Certain sermons, baby dedications, hymns - didn't take much to push me over the edge. Then I got to hold Thomas in my arms and now watch him grow, and I get to praise and thank God e-v-e-r-y day for him, so I figured I was done crying.....about that. Guess not. Paulo was trying to figure out what was wrong and I just couldn't talk. Once I finally pulled it together, after the service, I was able to tell him. I wasn't sad, I wasn't looking back, I wasn't feeling guilty for not being as faithful as Abraham through it all (which I was feeling guilty, but that's not why I was crying). I was crying tears of unabandoned, unabashed, unimagined joy for the greatest miracle in my life - our son. And the tears were flowing more in part due to the fact that My God, THE God of the universe, our sweet heavenly Father, would love me and consider me worthy to grant me such an incredible miracle. I will never understand that part. And I'm glad I don't have to - I just get to look at my boy and go on thanking and praising.

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