Sunday, September 27, 2009
Ch ch ch...changes
This is not your typical story about changes. When I took a "week off" at the end of the summer, it was because God had been calling me to re-establish my priorities, and to realign my relationships. When I went into that week, I didn't expect "BIG" things to happen, or "BIG" changes to occur. I thought I'd be doing a little tweaking here and there, on this or that. Kind of like the week before school start again - you know/remember that feeling? Even as I came out of that week, I thought, hmmm, that was good, all done. Well, when I started getting back into the groove of daily life I realized things just weren't quite right. Nothing that screamed obvious, just that can't-quite-put-your-finger-on-it feeling. So I started to make some changes, and shift things around a bit. I'm not good with change - really. Perfect example - I couldn't wait to have a baby, but in the last 2 months of my pregnancy I FREAKED out about all the changes. So now I'm was going to purposely make changes - without a big long production and plan? But as I did, I started to feel at ease. And please don't think these were easy changes - because they weren't. Some were gut wrenching, some were all wrapped up into other things, some were changes I've been holding out from for years now. Some of these changes involved loss, others involved commitment (well, duh, don't all changes involve commitment?). Some involved the simplest of baby steps, yet they were huge giant leaps for me. I know I'm rambling on in vagueness, so here's just one example. I cut my hair - short. Really short. If any men are reading this, they are thinking big deal. But some of you women know how hard this can be. Of course, at this point, you're wondering if this was a big change or a little change, and what did it mean. Well, I'll tell you. For YEARS now I've been knowing that I need to establish a morning get-up/get-ready routine. When I was working outside of the house it was a no brainer. But then I tele-commuted for many years, and then Thomas arrived 2 years ago. And I never quite established that routine. Getting my hair cut has helped me establish that routine, because 1)now my hair needs to get styled every day, and 2) My shower/make-up/hair/get dressed routine can now be done in 20 minutes! (mini moment for a cheer - HOOORAY!) This is both a little tweak to how our days begin more smoothly around here, and a big change as to how I can get our days to begin more smoothly around here. So over the course of the month, many things have occured - both mega and minor, obvious and not so obvious, and I'm starting to feel just right. While I am both sad about some things, relieved about others, and still adjusting to all, I'm very much at peace, which means I am in the Lord's will. And that is what is most important to me. Not what am I doing, or who am I serving, or how I am doing. Just Am-I-in-the-Lord's-will. That's my measuring stick now. In a world of busyness and doing, I want to be sure any busyness I have and any doing that I do is part of the Lord's will for me, for my husband and for my family. THAT is the biggest change of all. Switching gears, sort of - my week off a month ago was in preparation for my husband's busy season. I wanted to be here, present, in the house, to support and encourage him, to take care of his physical needs. Busy season, by the way, consists of 18 hr days, 6-7 day work weeks, extra long commutes, not much sleep, grabbing food when he can, never really eating a meal, and loads of coffee - for about 3 weeks solid. So I needed to be able to supply what he needed, without complaining. But my work was also in anticipation for when his busy season would end and we'd have "normal life" again - whatever normal looks like to us. So last week was the end of his busy season, and we celebrated Friday with a day trip to the apple farm. It was the PERFECT day. We had fabulous weather, the 3 grandparents got to join us, there was NOBODY in the orchards (yippee), and we got LOTS and LOTS of apples. So we'll be having LOTS and LOTS of apple crisp this week!!