Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm not going to be a grinch....I'm not going to be a grinch

Holiday status thus far:
- took 10 days to decorate everything
- baking still to be done
- gifts still to be bought
- wrapping not even begun
- cards still in progress
- stress starting to build. 

I'm so upset....with myself.  I know the world gets all a tizzy this time of year, and usually I'm the one "tsk tsking" them all.  But its starting to happen to me this year.  And you know what - its not the holiday, its not the list, its not the world caving in on me, its not even the fact that I'm completely freaked out about our robbery last week.  Nope - its about me.  And how I'm handling it all....or in this case, NOT handling it all.  All these ideas of "the perfect gift", the "quintessential holiday", the "best Christmas EVER" - I'm getting too caught up in it all.  Who cares that mine is not the first card everyone receives?  As long is its out by Dec 30th, that's all the matters.  Who cares if I don't have 8 kinds of cookies?  I don't bake all year long, so 1 kind of cookie is a big deal around here.  Who cares if I don't have perfect wrapped gifts?  I'm the only one who seems to care about that!!  Me Me ME!!! 

That's it!!!  I'm making this about ME!  And its NOT supposed to be about me.  It should be the tings that matter most to me AND Paulo.  Which are: time with family, favorite traditions, giving gifts with thought, and memorable moments.  Like decorating the tree with Paulo, and listening to Thomas sing the sweet song from Polar express, and this moment - when Thomas handed Daddy his blanket and said "I climb up on Daddy" and he did.  And my "heart grew 3 sizes that day" - just like the grinch.  Hmmmm....maybe I can turn it around just in time this season. 

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