Friday, August 27, 2010

Life

Life is hard right now. VERY hard.

Unfortunately, I cannot share the details, except to say we have a major transition ahead of us, huge decisions to make, and some very difficult personal issues that will not go away.

Of course, all of this takes place during the busiest time of year for my husband.  He has a full time job, and a part time business, and every year from the end of August until middle of September, the schedules of both peek and collide.  So he exists on about 4 hrs of sleep a night, fast food, and 3 large iced coffees a day.  Pile on top of that the situations we are in and all the decisions we have to make - you can only imagine.

But wait - can you?  Because you probably are thinking "Wow, he must be in a bad mood all the time and really difficult to deal with".  The reality though is that  I AM the mean, cranky, grumpy, miserable person to deal with.

I miss him.

I worry about him.

I don't want to have mini-discussions on the phone.

I don't want to bother him at work and add even more stress to his day, but I have to about some things right now. And no matter how much I psych myself up before I get on the phone with him - "be patient.  be kind."-  I am cross, short, demanding, and just down right nasty.  For which I feel horrible, but then I continue to do it.....all...day...long.

So, let's re-cap:
  • major life issues and decisions
  • an exhasuted, overworked husband
  • a nasty wife
  • and oh yes, an almost 3 yr old who is testing Every. Single. Thing. these days.  

Hmmmm - what could possibly be missing?


God.

God is missing.

Wait - what?  How can I say that?  God is ALWAYS there.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  

True.

But I need to call on Him.

All day long I whine and complain; I cry.  Then I call someone to whine, complain and cry to.  I sit around all day and plot my next move, my next discussion, my next "ah-ha" moment (and not the good ah-ha, but the "ah-ha - GOTCHA" kind).

Even now, I'm writing here on this blog. 

What I'm NOT doing is opening my bible.

Getting down on my knees.

Praying.

Simply crying out to "God - HELP ME!".

And He is up there...ready and waiting to help me.  Ready and waiting to lift me up and carry me through.  He is ready to heal my hurts and work on my heart.  He is up there just waiting to reveal Himself.

But I will never see Him or hear Him.

Because I have my head down and my ears focused on all the white noise around me.

And I don't want to be that way.  But I can't help it.

I know that God did not promise us an easy life.  But He did promise that if we keep Him at that center of our life, our home, our marriage, our family - that He would accomplish anything...everything.

That's my real problem.  I'M trying to fix it, I'M trying to accomplish it all, I'M trying to control it all.

I need to let go.

I need to lay it at the foot of the cross.

I need to keep my eyes fixed on Him.  The way.  The truth.  The life.

Help me God. I'm calling out to you now.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

WARNING - Pictures of poops and potties

Next to natural childbirth - which thankfully I was spared - potty training was the thing I feared the most. I said I would do it in May or June, but told myself we couldn't do it til binky went bye-bye. When binky took a hike, I was spared the chore because it was now July and we had vacation!  On the ride home from vaca I told Paulo "Definitely August... late August"

Then out of the blue one evening I asked Thomas if he wanted to try the potty.  And he did - with success. Then twice more that night.  As I poured myself to bed that night I realized, with dread, "this is it - its time".  Which actually was a blessing because I didn't have weeks leading up to a scheduled "start date" to get all worked up and stressed about it.  Just one night of lost sleep.

(notice how potty training the boy is all about me and my issues up til this point?)

So on the morning of Tuesday Aug 3 we officially began.  For 4 straight days I locked us in the house and set the timer for every 30 minutes.  Yes, you read that right - E V E R Y 30 minutes.  It got so I started hearing that timer in my sleep.  But it seemed to work - cause the boy cannot argue with a timer.  Mama, yes...timer - not so much. 

The first few days seemed to go well, then the next 2 seemed to be bad, then finally we had a breakthrough - and a breakout.  We had a party to attend here in town - we were getting out of the dang house!!!  We brought our potty, and the boy kept his pants dry ALL DAY LONG!  Upon arriving home that night, he furthered his progress and did poopie on the potty - which was a first!!

So now here we are 2 weeks later.  Most days he only has 1 accident, and occasionally he'll poop in the potty.  He has graduated to climing up on the big boy potty by himself.  We have our ups and downs, but I think I've come to a point where switching out wet underpants and shorts is no worse than changing diapers.  Cause you know, I just love more laundry.  He seems to be saving poops for naps and nighttime when he wears a diaper.  FINE BY ME!  We'll tackle that milsetone in time. 

So, if you can stand the gory details of these past two weeks, here are the pics.  Enjoy!
 

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Vacation Part 2 - Storyland - more pics


LOOK THOMAS - YOUR FAVORITE!
 
WHAT'S THIS?  THOMAS LOVES DRIVING?
EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN'T LOOK IT, 
THOMAS REALLY ENJOYED THIS RIDE
MAMA...NOT SO MUCH
 
BUT MAMA DID LIKE THIS RIDE

OH - DID I MENTION WHO JOINED US?
IT'S NANA AND BIG T!

AND A PUPPY DOG!

 MY BOYS
I COULD STARE AT THEM FOREVER. 
 
SO THOMAS - DID YOU HAVE FUN?
"YES I DID!"