Friday, January 28, 2011

Could it be? ...and streams of consciousness

Could it really be that we are FINALLY moving????

YES YES YES!!!

Well, that is if I get us packed.  've been frantically packing for 3 days now while Paulo frantically finishes what he can at the new house.  Of course, there will still be some items left to take care of the first few weeks - the upper cabinets in the kitchen, closet doors, new front door, hang curtains, etc etc.  And there will still be a few several trips back to the old house to collect more stuff (like the dreadful attic - ugh!)

But the time is finally here.  I won't be posting pics for a few weeks so please bear with me.  I'd like to get the curtains hung and some of the finishing touches done before I post the final after pics. Believe me - it will be well worth the wait.

Yes - I'm behind on project life.  But really, I'm behind on life in general.  Its all coming together - just a few more weeks of chaos.  But a new chaos - like the whirlwind wonderful chaos that comes with unpacking and settling into a wonderful new home.

I'm going to bear my soul right now.  I think the reason I put off packing is that I've been in a state of disbelief a along.  It took forever for the purchase of the house to go through, then the reno project kept getting longer and we pushed the moving date back so many times that I got myself into a place of disbelief.  I feel like I don't deserve this house.  We've handpicked everything, its too nice, its too perfect for us - why do I deserve this?

This is a pattern for me.  The same thing happened on my wedding day 8 years ago. Much to everyone's surprise, I "freaked out" that day.  Throughout the day, going through the motions - hair, make-up, dress, photos - the more it set in "this is really going to happen, I really am going to marry the man of my dreams".  And I was a wreck. Because, for some reason, deep down, I was prepared for disappointment, for set back, for something to happen that would call it all off.

Then we went through the years and heartache of infertility.  When I finally had our perfect, beautiful, miracle boy, it took about 2 years for me to finally feel comfortable that he is ours, here to stay.  I had to remind myself every night when I put him to bed - "it's okay - he'll be here tomorrow too.  You'll get to do this all over again tomorrow, and every day after that".  I actually had to tell myself that each and every night.

So now here I am again - doubting, second guessing, prepared for disappointment.  But that's not going to happen. 

We're actually going to live there - in that house. 

The house that we picked. 

 And made our own.

And will make our own...every day....for years to come.

Thank you God. There are no other words than that - Thank you God.

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